2025 Lessons in Relationships
This was the year of selling all of my things and moving to Hawai’i
This was the year of finally leaving my tech job and believing in Awake In Wellness
This was the year of leaving behind what felt comfortable: the relationship, the community in Denver, and the yoga studio I dearly loved
What did I learn from these destabilizing pivots in career, home and relationships?
Even when you make the external changes to land all that you desire, the inner wounds remain.
I truly thought I had been “doing the work” since waking up to the truth of who I am and guiding others along this path. But this year served as a reminder, I am human too and I too deserve to have human moments.
Relationships
As I’ve unpacked my insecurity and money wounds, this one sentence has been echoing over and over: “How you receive love is how you receive anything: including money”. Discovering how my relationship to love reflected my relationship to money was like plugging that last puzzle piece in. Of course, they were related. I was raised on what felt like conditional love.
Get an A → receive praise and love.
Achieve more → make parents proud → receive parents love.
The love we receive early on in childhood mirrors the love we seek in romantic partnerships as adults. For me this means, the more I “give” in the relationship, the more secure I’ll feel. As my previous relationship officially ended at the beginning of January 2025, I was re-navigating the type of love I wished to receive with the awareness of this pattern. And realized I was quite terrible at receiving.
As the eldest daughter, I felt that making the first move, splitting the bill, and expressing interest were empowering acts. While it can be, it puts me in the energy of my masculine. Feminine security is such a beautiful concept: sitting back, receiving and knowing you are worthy of it.
As I opened up to exploring new relationships and connections again, the internal wound of insecurity reared up again.
“Why couldn’t I be enough?”
“Why did he not like me for who I am?”
“I thought I healed this part of me, why am I still feeling these triggers?”
My greatest learning:
You’re never really done with the work. Life will present tests to you over and over again to remind you of the areas you have healed and areas you are still healing. I once again put the pressure on myself to be this perfect, enlightened partner when I still get to be human. I am allowed to make mistakes and experience low emotions. Being kind to yourself on the journey is more important than fully “fixing” yourself. Dancing between receiving and giving is okay. Knowing that something historically triggered you in the past doesn’t mean you need to avoid it altogether. Seeing each new relationship with curiosity for the OTHER person rather than how they can make me feel more secure. No one is responsible for making you feel secure in yourself, you must date yourself first - over and over again.
2025 Astrology Wrapped Virtual Retreat
Offer yourself the space and reflection by looking back at your year through the lens of Astrology. Join me in a year-end reflection 3 hour virtual retreat with yoga, meditation, and journaling guided by the wisdom of astrology.
